Why Women Shouldn't Take Men Shopping

December 24th, 2009
By

Wow, two blogs in a row? And, during the holidays no less!? Yep, that's just the way I Rolo. (Weren't those just the bomb back in the day? :P ) I even have another blog queued up for tomorrow, so trifecta hurr we come!

Anyway, this one's for all y'all procrastinators out there! If you find yourself needing to shop today, on Christmas Eve, you must be outcho damn mind! ;) But seriously, if you need to do a little last minute action, here's a funny forward I received from a co-worker, to help get you in the mood. Enjoy!

Why Women Shouldn't Take Men Shopping

Dear Mrs. Sugimoto, (name changed for realism ;) )

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Sugimoto, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away". This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"  EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his
nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

And last, but certainly not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here."  One of the clerks passed out.

------------------------

Talk to me!
* In the comment area below, post another funny thing "Mr. Sugimoto" could do at the store above. Be as creative as you can...

One more day 'til Christmas y'all! The post for tomorrow will contain more funnies. Until then... Shoots!

24 Responses to “Why Women Shouldn't Take Men Shopping”

  1. Ynaku:

    Oh cuz, I busting my guts this early in da morning. No can think of any right now, BUT when I do, I'll share it.

    But yeah man, no take us shopping especially to some boring place. At least (you) did well with your time.

    Bwahahaha. Hope you and the WWE gang have a safe and enjoyable holiday.


  2. M:

    Good morning Ed!

    One time while at Walmart my wife went to the restroom and I had to fart so I stood near the entrance and let out a big stink one and walked away. You should have seen the face on my wife as she walked out. She told me that somebody farted and it was so stink. I couldn't stop laughing. :lol:


  3. Rosette:

    yup..why you shouldn't take me out..I embarass my husband and my boys...


  4. Rosette:

    why you shouldn't take a 3 year old out..I remember my son was only about three years old I put him on top of the cart inside the thingy..I was happily browing around then he pull my face towards him...I am short so when I put my son on the cart he was rigth on my face. .then he yell OMG mommy you have moustace..he pull his face so close to mine.....everybody turn I was covering his mouth SHUT UP KID....I laugh...my youngest he is comical. My oldest is more serious.I had to barracade him in th etoile tin the mal..he will crawl everywhere and peek inside the toilet where people are in the stall..so yup..don't take boys out ..learn to pee fast with crazy kids.


  5. Rosette:

    I have two boys and I train them to be good or they will face my wrath!


  6. frankie:

    Threaten to pee on the floor if she won't buy you that GI Joe with the kung fu grip!


  7. kuya.d:

    You know what would be classic?


  8. Rosette:

    YES that is what happen when the mother can't control the kid....she is having nervous breakdown ..NOT ME! ....you don't mess with this mommy here.! I hate it my cousin's kid is handful and I don't want my son to be around her son picking up bad habits.I make excuses not to get together with her When they visit my parents house chaos..her kids would be turning on an off the lights instigating run around .and I be sitting in the corner lets get the hell out of here before her kid rub off mine....so I make sure my boys are not making friends with annoying kids....I just want to finish the crazy age phase and on to age 18 when the kids get a job and grow up.


  9. Rosette:

    if you look at my cousin facebook..gosh they put bra on their head at the mall...OMG no wonder her son is handful! NO way I be doing that... kids learn from example..I have fun but not idiotic the kids will learn bad habits from that. Yes if parents don't set example the kid will drive you crazy! yes that is what happens when the mom has no sense...TURN INTO BALLOON BOY


  10. Rosette:

    I know how to talk to boys and make them calm and not be idiotic...I am calm so kids naturally stay calm and not be chaotic...I can't handle some people the kids are crazy....no way I make friends with people and kids are crazy ..I am happy my friend has two girls .. so we get together her kids are a bit older now so they are slowly gettign more mature


  11. Rosette:

    I remember when the fat kid is crazy pushing my son down and when his mother is not looking I wrestle the kid to the ground and sit there buddy .. so he sit....see that is how you take a kid to the mall behave..no pushing .!!!


  12. Rosette:

    Why Women Shouldn't Take Men Shopping or marry them...I suggest get a whip!


  13. Rosette:

    yes my friend she calls me about her husband I tell her maybe he needs broken tooth so he will listen..omg!


  14. Rosette:

    then my sister in law left for a second to shop..when she comes home her daughter missing tooth..my stupid brother babysitting run around with his daughter she fall ..OMG! see you have to train the guy ..my husband doesn't pull any stunt on me.....!


  15. Rosette:

    I have two brothers so I know how to deal with boys but my friend oh I feel bad her husband she doesn't know how to deal with him...


  16. tita leerz:

    bwahahaha!!! thanks for the laugh!


  17. tita leerz:

    gives me some ideas!


  18. Kel Sr.:

    Oh Ed,

    All I can say is: Everyone have a wonderful and safe Holiday Season!


  19. Stickit:

    Merry Christmas Ed! BTW I totally can see you doing the above.


  20. Rosette:

    I wedge you with my two brothers..yup...I be sitting relaxing in the sun with my bathign suit..all of the sudden this moron younger brother of mine got a hold of hose he spray me! so he run into the house I hose the whole basement down...! I don't know what my brothers do in the mall....but my two brothers crazy....they hardly realy make me cry I get even.


  21. Rosette:

    see the best part when my mom comes home with wet basement I give her my angel face MOM my younger brother did it..SHE BELIEVES ME...funny!


  22. World Wide Ed:

    * 1.Ynaku:
    Oh cuz, I busting my guts this early in da morning. No can think of any right now, BUT when I do, I'll share it.

    Looking forward to it naks! Your ideas, not da busting guts! ;)

    * 2.M:
    One time while at Walmart my wife went to the restroom and I had to fart so I stood near the entrance and let out a big stink one and walked away. You should have seen the face on my wife as she walked out. She told me that somebody farted and it was so stink. I couldn't stop laughing.

    Bwahahahahaha! Durrrrty emmz! But awesome! I gotta try that sometime. That is, if I were somebody who were to fart in public. 8)

    * 4.Rosette:
    I remember my son was only about three years old I put him on top of the cart inside the thingy..I was happily browing around then he pull my face towards him...I am short so when I put my son on the cart he was rigth on my face. .then he yell OMG mommy you have moustace..he pull his face so close to mine.....everybody turn I was covering his mouth SHUT UP KID

    LOLOLOL!

    * 6.frankie:
    Threaten to pee on the floor if she won't buy you that GI Joe with the kung fu grip!

    Don't forget to put a penny/dime in between their legs for some mean breakdancing moves!!! 8)

    * 7.kuya.d:
    You know what would be classic?

    What's dat?

    * 9.Rosette:
    Yes if parents don't set example the kid will drive you crazy! yes that is what happens when the mom has no sense...TURN INTO BALLOON BOY

    Yo go girl! Set dat example Rosey! 8)

    * 11.Rosette:
    I remember when the fat kid is crazy pushing my son down and when his mother is not looking I wrestle the kid to the ground and sit there buddy

    Wait, wait WHAT!!!??? You took a kid out Rosey!?!? LOLOL!

    * 16.tita leerz:
    bwahahaha!!! thanks for the laugh!

    Wait, the blog or Rosey's stories? ;)

    * 17.tita leerz:
    gives me some ideas!

    Ditto. ;)

    * 18.Kel Sr.:
    All I can say is: Everyone have a wonderful and safe Holiday Season!

    Same to you Kel Sr.!

    * 19.Stickit:
    Merry Christmas Ed! BTW I totally can see you doing the above.

    LOLOL! Wot!? The nerve Sticky! I'm shy! :P

    * 21.Rosette:
    see the best part when my mom comes home with wet basement I give her my angel face MOM my younger brother did it..SHE BELIEVES ME...funny!

    Terrible! But the benefit of being the favorite I guess. :P


  23. David In Oregon:

    off topic: eh Ed, go check yo' email... I sent you a Merry Christmas email. :lol:


  24. World Wide Ed:

    * 23. David In Oregon:
    off topic: eh Ed, go check yo' email... I sent you a Merry Christmas email.

    Mahaloz D.O.! Lucky nobody else did um yeah? 8)